It's been over a year since I last posted.
And boy, is life different.
New job(s), new friends, new outlook.
Almost everyone I made a post about is out of my life. For good. Almost everyone.
Dallas is officially gone. No need to go into details because I just made a clean break. It's been since November. It took me three years, but the chain is broken and I don't even miss him at all. (Lie. Most days I do.) BUT. This, by far, has been my biggest accomplishment in the last year.
My life is no longer a revolving door. For anyone. Period.
Jason and I are closer than we've ever been. It came out of left field. He just texted me out of the blue one day and we've been fixing our friendship since. I feel like we're finally in that place I was hoping for in the post I made about him last February. The place where we can actually stick around in each other's lives. I need that. He's brought this strange sense of comfort to me. Just the ability to be comfortable in my own skin, and be comfortable around someone else. I'm always so guarded..It's been a long time since I've felt comfortable around anyone. I don't know if he realizes how big of a deal this is to me..but I just appreciate it so much. It couldn't have come at a better time in life. Everything I wrote about him over a year ago is still true. He's still hilarious. He's still my musical muse. And my favorite thing to do with him is still cuddle while watching tv. He's opened my eyes to new experiences and has brought me out of my shell. I like where we are. I don't want us to take a year long break in friendship like we always do. While I'm prepared for that to happen because I've been through it before...I don't want to deal with it again. I don't know where this is going to end up, but for once..I'm not even worried about it.
I gave up my spot at Le Cordon Bleu and I quit my job at the theater to persue a cooking career that ended horribly.
Hello, I'm Jalice. I'm 21. And I'm terrified I'm never going to be good at anything.
I have two worthless dead end jobs. I need something more. Something bigger.
I now am constantly craving change, something that used to frighten me.
The list of people I completely trust has gone from and handful to very few in a short amount of time. It now mostly consists of family. I never thought I'd lose faith in certain people..but I guess that sometimes, people just grow apart. It's unavoidable.
In the past year I've become an aunt. And my family instantly became more important to me than anything else. My brothers are the only boys who will love me unconditionally. And my sisters are the only girls I can completely trust to not throw me away.
A year ago, I can't believe I was actually talking marriage and babies. I'm thankful every day that never happened. Especially with him. I now take my birth control faithfully and will wait until someone appreciates me until contemplating marriage.
Despite all of this sounding negative, it has been the best year of my life.
I've never been more aware of who I am and what I want out of life.
And while I don't know how I'm going to get there, or who's going to be by my side in the end..I've learned to appreciate the journey. Because in the end, that's all that really matters.
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