jason

jason, jason, jason.

i don't even know why i'm going to post about him.
he texted me while he was rolling the other night and i just can't get him out of my head..

let's start out with the positive. jason is great. he's so funny. he makes me laugh so easily. our personalities and senses of humor are so similar. we can pick fights at eachother and laugh about it after. he has adorable mannerisms. he has a unique way of doing everything and it just like it. he may infact be my musical soulmate. and if not soulmate then he is definitely my musical muse. music is such a big bond that we share. he has a great job and is so devoted to it. and last but not least. he's a homebody. just like i am. my favorite time spent with him is hanging around watching fresh prince of bell air and laying with a million blankets cuddling and watching cartoons. my point is, we really don't have to be doing anything at all. we can be doing nothing and be completely content.

but. yeah, there's a but. there's always a but.

we have a fucked up history. in my mind at least. we are the king and queen of bad timing. for the past four years we've dated off and on. we both are the affection starved type, and we know we can always get it from each other. but it never gets serious. we honestly try to be friends. we give it a good solid try. but in the end everything else usually ends up taking too much time and we drift away. give it a few months to a year. and then we start the whole cycle all over again. this has been going on the past four years now. throw a little dating my best friend behind my back in there and we've got the whole story. the two of them really broke my heart. ashley more than him even. and then when they were done and i was still friends with him..she got mad at me. they tore my heart out together then she had the nerve to get mad at me for being friends with someone i knew and dated first. this situation was shit.

four years of this and i'm just feeling done. exhausted. we're never going to legitimately just be friends like we need to be.

timing will never be right for us.

i just wish we could reach a place where we could be in eachother's lives and actually stick around.