Dreams are a tricky thing.

Last Wednesday, I finally had my wisdom teeth taken out (as well as quarter inch segments of each side of my jaw.) The recovery has been hell, to say the least. I think that lately I live by Murphy's Law. What can go wrong, will. Always. Tough surgery, bad reaction to the anesthesia and the pain medication, the inability to keep anything down, all leading up to two dry sockets. Hello, soft diet for two more weeks. I miss food, real food. I can feel my body shutting down from the lack of nutrients. I hate it. I miss food with texture. I also have been constantly medicated for the last week which has lead to some abnormal actions and crazy ass dreams.

I've had not one, but two late night conversations with people who are a part of the past. And in turn, I've found peace of mind. It all just clicks. I've said what I've needed to, extended the proverbal olive branch, made my peace. I've left the door wide open, and I can now walk away knowing it's not in my hands anymore. Goodbye, gutwrenching feeling. If people are meant to be in my life, they'll put themselves there.

The second conversation was actually sparked by a terrible dream. It was gruesome. I've had a lot of pretty intense dreams, but this one takes the cake. It was bad enough that I'm not going to write about it. But, I woke up in the middle of the night crying. Freaking out. I was so shaken up that I had to know the person involved was okay. After not talking to him for nearly a year, I let him know what was going on and to my surprise he responded and calmed me down. I think most people would freak out after getting a 'Hey, I need to make sure you're alive' text at 3 o' clock in the morning. I'm glad he didn't. And I'm glad he's okay. Worst. Dream. Ever.

My dad got laid off yesterday. And all of the sudden I feel guilty about moving out. I still haven't told my parents.. First, I just wanted to wait until everything was set in stone. But now, I'm worried about their reaction. I know I shouldn't feel responsibility for taking care of the family..But I always will. I'm worried that losing the rent I pay is going to put them in an even worse situation.

I just want to know when the time is going to come that I can do things for myself without feeling guilty. I want to be able to make a big, huge, life changing decision without having to factore other people into the equation. This is my life. No one else is taking care of me, so why am I constantly taking care of everyone else?